February 4, 2010

type4jokes.com

Type

4

Jokes:

The Randomest Website Your Tomato Will Ever See.

a vast array of unexpected endings

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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It’s the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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Thanks to Rishda Tarkaan for the jokes!

February 3, 2010

type4jokes.com

Type

4

Jokes:

The Randomest Website Your Tomato Will Ever See.

a vast array of unexpected endings

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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

thanks to Rishda Tarkaan for today’s jokes!

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February 2, 2010

type4jokes.com

Type

4

Jokes:

The Randomest Website Your Tomato Will Ever See.

Today’s Banana:

There were four American soldiers caught by the Germans in WWII and were to be shot.

German Soldier: On ze count of zhree, I will zay “Fire” and you will zhoot them. 1, 2, 3—!!!

American #1: -points behind the soldiers- AVALANCHE!

* German Soldiers turn around to look at it, while the american soldier escapes*

German Soldier: On ze count of zhree, I will zay “Fire” and you will zhoot him. 1, 2, 3—!!!

American #2: -points behind the soldiers- VOLCANO!

* German Soldiers turn around to look at it, while the american soldier escapes*

German Soldier: On ze count of zhree, I will zay “Fire” and you will zhoot him. 1, 2, 3—!!!

American #3: -points behind the soldiers- ROCKSLIDE!!!

* German Soldiers turn around to look at it, while the american soldier escapes*

German Soldier: *approaching the final soldier* On ze count of zhree, I will zay “Fire” and you will zhoot him. 1, 2, 3—!!!

American #4: -points behind the soldiers- FIRE!!!

DUN DUN DUN!!!*Germans shoot that soldier* DUN DUN DUN!!!

—-So the 3 American Soldiers who escaped ran into the woods, and climbed some trees. The German soldiers approached the first soldier in the first tree, saying:

German Soldier: Who’z up Zere?

American #1: *imitating bird whistle* Tweet Tweet!

The German soldiers approached the second soldier in the second tree, saying:

German Soldier: Who’z up Zere?

American #2: *imitating parrot noises* Ca-kaw! Ca-Kaw!

The German soldiers approached the third soldier in the third tree, saying:

German Soldier: Who’z up Zere?

American #3: MOOO!!!

DUN DUN DUN!!!*Germans shoot that soldier*DUN DUN DUN!!!

So the surviving 2 American soldiers are at a cliff, and they’ve found two parachutes.

They jump off the cliff.

American #1: MY PARACHUTE WON’T DEPLOY! *falls fast downwards*

American #2: So it’s a RACE, is it?! *cuts parachute strings*

And you can guess the outcome.

Sunday, February 1 2010

type4jokes.com

Type

4

Jokes:

The Randomest Website Your Tomato Will Ever See.

Today’s Banana:

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called ‘Amazon Dot Com.’

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?” And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung They were called Nomadic Ecstatic Rich Dope Splatanites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay” he said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hazanite Owner Operators.”

“YAHOO,” said Abraham.

And that is how it all began.

Thanks to Jokes Warehouse for shedding the light!

"Sir, we have caught the intruder..."